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Sep 11, 2006, 10:21 PM // 22:21
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#21 |
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Wilds Pathfinder
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: House Zu Heltzer, laughing at them.
Guild: The [GEAR] Trick
Profession: N/Me
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Thank you for that lovely Google search. I'll never get the scars from my brain. I'll update this post wth another chapter tomorrow.
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Sep 11, 2006, 11:55 PM // 23:55
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#22 | |
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Krytan Explorer
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: In The Deep
Profession: R/A
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Quote:
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Sep 12, 2006, 05:22 AM // 05:22
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#23 |
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Frost Gate Guardian
Join Date: Apr 2006
Guild: Xxx The Final Thrust Xxx
Profession: W/
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not a bad story.
little suggestion, you use too many sentences if you know what i mean. Last paragraph of chapter 2 is a great example where you have like 15 sentences that could be shortened into about 3. Have a family member or friend read over ;p other than that, not bad. |
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Sep 14, 2006, 09:52 PM // 21:52
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#24 |
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Wilds Pathfinder
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: House Zu Heltzer, laughing at them.
Guild: The [GEAR] Trick
Profession: N/Me
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I'm going to start doing that sugestion. I'll post them on my friends forum and link them to here. Just gonna wait for some proffreading there before I post the links.
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